Wondering what to Write

There is so much I'd like to say here that I can't. I'd like to share with y'all about the nuances of our group and the many happenings with patients at the hospital and residents at the nursing home. But one of the things about chaplaincy (and ministry) is that confidentiality is important. Our CPE group covenanted to near complete confidentiality about our group happenings, and of course patient privacy (and HIPAA) prevent me from saying anything identifiable about patients. That's tough for me because I find stress release and comfort in sharing and processing with others. Honoring confidentiality while finding the support I need is one of my growing edges for the summer.

That said, there is a a lot that I CAN say. I had a particularly intense on-call last week (6 hours of intense time with 2 families, death, and little sleep), then I flew back to the Bay for a friend's wedding just for the weekend. No surprise then that I'm still exhausted! ...from the travel, lack of sleep, stress of dealing with life and death daily, being away from (and in transition with) a sweetie, and opening up to the inner core of my being to see what's there and what needs strengthening - the exhaustion of growing pains!

I am so very glad that I'm here, living with my parents, doing CPE this summer and growing in ways that will strengthen my ministry immeasurably as well as my own sense of self. And it's really frickin hard and tiring.

There's thunder and lightening and humidity and smells and sounds and fresh-cut grass and maple trees releasing helicopters and rhododendrons and mountain laurel and robins and streets and old teachers and Friendlys and so much more that feels comfortingly familiar even though I haven't experienced it in over 10 years.

There's also racism, classism, anti-immigrant sentiment ("I wish I could see thier social security cards"), sexism, fatphobia, Christian supremacy that I see and hear about without the support of being in communities where tackling such institutional issues are an assumed part of conversation. Here, it's not part of the conversation within the institutions I'm working at or CPE, and just a little bit with my family. Learning to deal with this won't be an official "learning goal" at CPE, but it's learning I need -- to figure out how to be a prophetic voice that names oppression, how to be a pro-active ally, how to find the support I need to sustain myself in this context, how to be strategic in dealing with and confronting the vast ignorance of suffering, oppression, and exploitation. (Support & advice welcome!)