What would you want?
What would you want (or have you wanted/gotten) from a chaplain when you're in the hospital? Would you want an ear to vent or tell your story to? a prayer? a song? nothing? Starting CPE I would have said nothing - it takes a lot for me to open up to a stranger and I wouldn't do it, and no, I don't want a prayer thank you very much (presuming their prayer would not be language I would find comforting).
Yet every day patients open up to me after a simple introduction - sometimes to vent their frustration and anger at the wait in the ER or the uncertainty before a diagnosis, sometimes to tell me their life story, sometimes to share of recent losses or memories that being in the hospital brings up. I've been pushing myself to ask them about the role their faith plays (and I'm not sure how I myself would answer that question), and to pray when it seems it would help -- but I'm someone who doesn't have an active prayer life - at least not (Christian-style) prayer in words to "the Lord" or God. I do my best to pray with them in a style that will be comforting to them (I even sometimes pray in Jesus' name).
I had an aha several months ago that I do in fact pray through music -- that I communicate with the broader spirit pulsing through everything by making music - humming a hymn, making up my own song for the moment, or playing my cello or piano something already written down or something new. Music calms me, helps me express feelings that I can't get out in any other way, and grounds me in something greater than myself....many would call that prayer. But it ain't the kind of prayer that most of my patients in the ER or Alzheimer's hall would consider prayer.
So my question to y'all: Do you pray? How?
I know that many of my non-religious and religious friends pray, and many don't. So tell me how you pray, and why, and what it does for you. And whether or not you pray, what would you want from a chaplain?
Yet every day patients open up to me after a simple introduction - sometimes to vent their frustration and anger at the wait in the ER or the uncertainty before a diagnosis, sometimes to tell me their life story, sometimes to share of recent losses or memories that being in the hospital brings up. I've been pushing myself to ask them about the role their faith plays (and I'm not sure how I myself would answer that question), and to pray when it seems it would help -- but I'm someone who doesn't have an active prayer life - at least not (Christian-style) prayer in words to "the Lord" or God. I do my best to pray with them in a style that will be comforting to them (I even sometimes pray in Jesus' name).
I had an aha several months ago that I do in fact pray through music -- that I communicate with the broader spirit pulsing through everything by making music - humming a hymn, making up my own song for the moment, or playing my cello or piano something already written down or something new. Music calms me, helps me express feelings that I can't get out in any other way, and grounds me in something greater than myself....many would call that prayer. But it ain't the kind of prayer that most of my patients in the ER or Alzheimer's hall would consider prayer.
So my question to y'all: Do you pray? How?
I know that many of my non-religious and religious friends pray, and many don't. So tell me how you pray, and why, and what it does for you. And whether or not you pray, what would you want from a chaplain?
posted by Cathy at 6:37 p. m.
3 Comments:
Not to be contrary, but as someone nonreligious, what are the reasons that it is useful to frame making music as prayer? I guess I think prayer is definitionally religious. Couldn't it be just as useful to say that people need counseling, relaxation techniques, quiet time, and/or attentiveness to their needs during times of challenge and crisis?
I have held a very generous definition of prayer for a long time. To me, you said it right on the dot, Cathy, about "prayer" (if that is a term that suits a person) is about connecting with a force outside of our own, individual existence. I believe a lot of things are prayer- sometimes I bring it, and other times it just kinda happens, and I feel a prayer more than make one. (like when measured time seems ot fall away to the beauty or intensity of a moment). But definitely music is hugely prayerful for me. And I don't think it's that important that a chaplain's definition of prayer and a patients definition are actually quite different. At the very core, its about seeking connection with ?? and the rest can be debated at a person's own desire.
To Leo's comment: I don't think I'm *framing* music as prayer, but saying that for me, making music is often a way for me to connect with the universe and comfort myself - which is what many call prayer. In a religious context, that's useful. Now, there are ways I relate to & make music where the purpose is simply to enjoy that's not so prayerful.
And yep, prayer is certainly religious (so if you were my patient I wouldn't offer it - and if music made sense to offer i wouldn't call it prayer). To Leo's last question: YES!!! That's generally my answer, except for the minor hitch that a lot of religious & spiritual people want more, and as a chaplain is an inherently spiritual & religious role.
Thanks Cassie for your comments too! The question of when it "happens" or doesn't is a tricky one for me.
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